HELP ME! EMERGENCY!!

Guys, it's River Mountain Rd. You can call me River, the crazy lady does, even though I never gave her my perms..perim.. permish... oh road apples, I never told her she could. I need help. This is really really bad. Look what she's making me wear:

See? It's awful. I'm so sad I can't even pick my head up.

Please don't look at me...


PINK FLOWERS. That whacko lady is making me wear PINK. FLOWERS. Hey stupid lady, I'M A BOY!

I'm trying to be strong. I don't want her to know how much this upsets me. But.... pink flowers??? I can't do this. I can't. I heard her talking to the Hay Lady today. Do you know what she wants to make me wear? A PINK BLANKET. PINK. BLANKET. The stupid halter is bad enough. Do you know what the mares will do to me if I have a pink blanket? Stupid wimpy Gryffin is going to look like a total stud next to me in a pink blanket.

Hear that? They're laughing at me. The girls are laughing.

But you know what, Crazy Lady? You want to ride me. Heh heh heh. You might want to reconsider making me wear pink... you might have a more wild ride than you are expecting...



River!

What have I told you about using my computer? Stop being such a drama queen. Real men wear pink. The mares think it's cute. News flash: You might be a boy, but you're a gelding. A nutless wonder. Trust me, the girls were laughing at you long before the pink flower halter. And if you even think about being naughty when I ride you, your suffering will increase a hundred times. If you think the halter and possible blanket are bad, you don't even want to guess what other horrors are in store.

Merry Christmas, buddy!