But good news! A friend moved her horse to my barn, so I've got her riding Riv for me. (I'm super picky about how my horses are ridden and would rather they sit in a field and rot than be ridden badly.) I was there for her first ride, to show her his tack and everything and explain about his oddities. After that, I told her she's free to ride him whenever she wants, no need to ask me. I will start riding him at some point, but I'll let her get him going decently first... she's young and less likely to break if he dumps her.
Her first ride on him, he was being a dork... He Would. Not. Move. It took him about 10 minutes to figure out how to trot. He was doing that excitable up-and-down thing that's annoying and honestly kind of scares me. He eventually figured it out and was being not-terrible. Although he did randomly spook at a corner of the ring he'd already passed about 20 times. Idiot.
Being a dork and moving every part of his body in a different direction:
By the end, he was moving all of his parts together and in a forward direction. Needs more push from behind, but compared to above he's going beautifully:
She rode him again a few days later. The video she sent me looked so good! I can't put it here, so I took a couple screenshots. He was apparently really sweaty because she had to longe him before getting on because he was "a fire-breathing dragon".
Trotting like a normal horse:
He looks so normal! It's like I haven't been ignoring him for a couple of years!
Look how nice and fat he is!!!! I think this is probably the best weight he's ever been in. I had to press hard to feel his ribs. Ultium + Cool Calories + AMAZING hay = fat Princess! But I might need to get him a longer girth.
Oh, that thing in the bottom left corner? Yes, my barn owner got a couple of wee goats!
They're travel-sized for your convenience:
I tossed a goat up on River's back. He could not have cared less. (The broom, on the other hand....)