Thursday, December 1, 2011

Oh, River...

Suppose you have a Thoroughbred gelding in the prime of his life. He's been running hard for a decade. Now suppose you give him a nice home on a farm and some time to settle in. Suppose he was then integrated into a turnout group. Three other horses.


If you're like me, you're supposing "wow, what a lucky boy getting his own personal harem! And hey, 2 of those mares had babies this year, so you know they're easy!" Reasonable, right? Boy horse (well, mostly a boy) + mare + mare + mare = Big Stallion in the Paddock. Obviously.

Unless, of course, that gelding happens to be River.

In which case, the gelding is (forgive the language) completely pussy whipped. Go out to the gate to get River, who eagerly comes up for attention. Enter Chestnut Thoroughbred Mare paddock left. CTM walks up, River scampers away from her. Admitting defeat, I get the mare and bring her in. Go back for River who is able to escape before any other mares get too close. When he and mare are done eating, mare goes back out first and I grab River. Open the gate, step in, and a different mare approaches. River scurries backward. Shall we dance? I step forward, River steps forward, mare steps forward, River runs in fear, rinse and repeat.

I end up being River's savior and shooed away the mare long enough for River to attempt reentry. He made it in with nothing but his dignity damaged. Phew.

Oh, River... you are something special. I won't even feel bad when I find you the perfect pink halter. Those mares have already completely emasculated you; maybe you can win their respect with impeccable taste in fashion. I think it's going to be your only hope.


  1. LMAO all of your posts are absolutely hilarious!!!

  2. Thank you so much! Wow, this is exciting, my first comment ever! LOL